THE ROCK AND ROLL ANGEL DELIVERS
Part One: A Knock At My Door
I was terrified. I turned over and looked at the clock. It was 3:30 in the morning. Was the building on fire? Was it the cops alerting me to a murder? I rolled out of bed with my heart pounding and crawled in the dark to my front door and peered through the hole but couldn't see anything.
I asked in a half-sleeping voice.."Who is it"?
A very soft apologetic voice answered back.
"I am sorry to wake you, but is this where Dr. Gizmo lives. I have some cartons for him"?
I opened the door with the safety chain on just in case, and standing before me.
(CEO of new freight company)
You probably think I am on some breakthrough in mind altering drugs, but I am not. There standing before me was was a major babe angel. Not the pudgy type you see in paintings, but one that looked like she worked for Victoria's Secret.
Was this an acoustic dream?
Because she caught me staring, she spoke up with more assertion.
"Dr. Gizmo. I am really sorry, but I got lost, or I would have made this delivery before 6PM. But the important thing is for you to read this note..now. It is from Elvis, Janis and Jimi".
Then the angel in her birthday suit handed me a note:
Dear Dr. Gizmo,
Greetings from Rock and Roll Heaven. We have been following your aggravation of the audio orthodoxy with great enthusiasm and we wanted to give you all the support we could so we sent you these to, inspire you. Enjoy 50 watts of DHT SET ecstasy".
Elvis, Janis, Jimi
(Masterpieces of Italian Audio Renaissance Art)
I looked up and noticed that two huge wooden crates were next to my door.
"What are these", I asked.
"Elvis, Janis and Jimi, wanted you to experience these new VAIC 52B amps. They use them and thought you too would be inspired".
I walked over to the wooden crates and tried to move them. I couldn't. They were too heavy.
"Dr. Gizmo, why don't you hold the door open and I will carry them in for you".
Right before my eyes the heavenly naked supermodel with wings picked up one of the two crates, as if it were a box of marshmallows, and carried it into my living room, and then did the same with the next.
So there I am in my living room at 4 AM with two huge heavy crates, and...
"Forgive me, I didn't get your name"..as I reached out to shake her hand.
"Just call me MS. ROCK AND ROLL ANGEL. Actually I am CEO of a freight service between Rock and Roll Heaven and Earth. It is an honor to serve you. All of us love The Triode Guild web site, especially how you honor the Goddess".
There was an awkward moment then, because I didn't know what to do next. It is not that often that a naked angel is in my home, so I offered Ms Rock and Roll Angel a Coke, but she refused. Then she said,
"Let's trade offerings, just like you suggest on your web site. There are two things I want from you Dr. Gizmo. What do you want from me?"
I thought for a moment, as my eyes moved slowly from her angelic face to her wings, and then down to her perfect breasts and her perfect hips and angel pudenda hair. I licked my lips. Beads of sweat ran down my face. Was I going to faint?
"There is one thing I want from you. Can you describe for me what the liquid midrange sounds like in Rock and Roll Heaven? It would be a great journalistic scoop for me".
I don't know where it came from, but Ms. Rock and Roll Angel whiped out a picture and handed this to me:
(One of Sister Wendy's favorite Masterpieces)
She explained to me: You see how that music maniac is discussing the relative liquidity of different DHT with the muses? They are in the liquid midrange because they are the liquid midrange. Actually this is a picture of rock and rollers who are trying to decide what music to listen to. Don't you think this is how rock and roll should sound on Earth?".
PAUSE: I am going to stop here, because what happened after we unpacked the VAIC amps, which weigh 122 pounds each, and started to listen to some rock and roll, even though what happened, happens in living human's living rooms millions of times every night.... is still a taboo subject in the audio industry. And I don't want to upset the priests of The Old Audio Testament more than is necessary.
Of course, if you insist, and prove to me that you are over 18, I might describe, in detail, what happened. But be assured in PART TWO, of this multi-part adventure, with these VAIC amplifiers I will take you higher. Just send me your emails if you must "know" what it is like to be with a real angel...f you know what I mean.
I leave you, like my shrink Hal used to leave me, at the end of each session, with some questions:
How high is the rock and roll mountain?
How many rock and roll stars have every experienced an amplifier of this quality?
How many professional audio engineers have ever experienced a single-ended directly heated triode amplifier of this refinement?
What happens to Victoria Secret's models who are good on Earth, but because of some freak accident are killed, and go directly to Heaven?
Is the VAIC B52 the ultimate rock and roll amplifier?
NOTE OF THANKS: I again want to thank the charimatic Catholic Nun, Sister Wendy, for reminding us that MAN IS ART and angels are real.
e-mail Dr. Harvey "Gizmo" Rosenberg: firstname.lastname@example.org
2001 Meta-Gizmo.com and Dr.
Harvey "Gizmo" Rosenberg All